Homesick. 

I’m way overdue for this post, and a lot has been happening. I am physically and emotionally drained. Through out this process I realise I underestimate myself a lot. This seeds from being underestimated my whole life. My parents never think I’m capable of being alone, especially not surviving alone across the world without them or anyone else to rely on. I don’t blame them, I’ve also never had the chance to be alone. I guess they trust Amirul, they always have. But Amirul and I are 2 hours apart. It’s not like I burn my finger and call him to kiss my booboo. I mean I can, but it’ll be healed by the time he gets here. 
I’ve gotten comfortable being alone. I always have been okay with being physically alone, I mean I loved eating alone and being in my room alone before this. But now it’s a whole new level of alone. I don’t have anyone else to rely on other than myself. It’s a bit lonely sometimes. Everyone’s a stranger, the whole city is a foreign place but I find comfort in knowing that everyone else in my shoes are also feeling the same. In that case, I’m not the only one, am I?
Sophia made me meet up with someone she knew from KL, in her words “it’ll be nice if you meet him, you’ll have that homey connection”. And I did. It was exactly that. René and I bonded over missing Nasi Lemak Village Park, and maggi goreng. Planning for Asian night, and also pizza night. We only had each other anyways. Until, Nina came to the equation. I texted her randomly to go to a spoken word workshop that I didn’t want to go alone to. Though we didn’t find the room the workshop was in, we did however continue to call each other up everyday since then. Nina + René + me = Skwa. (A typo René made in saying squad but that’s what we call ourselves now) 


Other than them, my housemates (Mary, Amber and Alex) as Amirul says “absolute angels”. They are ! They taught me how to use the dishwasher, sent me to the train station and also would pick me up at the tram stop when I get to scared to walk in the dark by myself. I am blessed to have them as my housemates, they’re so warm and welcoming. Burrito night, just dance and also charades. I can’t ask for better housemates. They’re as good as it gets. 
I realise, throughout this experience Home is without question where the heart is. I feel at home when I’m in London, I feel at home when I’m with Nina and René looking for desserts at 12am. I feel at home when I Skype Aimin and Nate, Sophia and Sabreena, and ofcourse Amirul. However, I feel like I left my heart across the world at home when I Skype my family. 
Home is where the heart is. 

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Time to grow up 

Yknow how you never truly feel your age, until you’re 45 with a heart condition and you have to stop yourself from ordering McDonalds? Okay it’s not a common thing to think about. But when I was preparing for my UK exchange, I felt my age bar rising. 

It goes DING

21 ! 

21 ! 

21 ! 

21 ! 

21 ! 
Going to the bank by myself, having to explain what I need while they stared at me like I made no sense. Collecting all my documents – crying at the photocopy machine because no one was there to help me and I didn’t know what I was doing thinking if I mess up my visa it’s all my fault. 
GROW
I had to look for accommodations with the only advice from my parents were to stay within the budget. I would constantly have to google map the potential accommodations distance to the campus and nearest bus stop and even grocery store. I had to communicate with the landlord and the agency myself, and sign the contract – signing my name. MY OWN NAME. Not my parents nor any other guardian. 

GROW THE FUCK UP ALINA.  
I guess, it could be an Asian thing. Like when we watch TV shows about the western culture, kids move out at 16. Some start a family by then. It’s nothing new. By 21 they should be working earning their own money, living in a bachelor pad with their friends. However, in the Asian community – we’ve been fed with a silver spoon all our lives. Having our parents do everything for us. Maybe I can’t speak for everyone (I’m sure everyone grows at their own pace). My sister went to the UK when she was 19, all alone. Here I am about to fly with both my parents. Hey, I am the baby of the family ok. Don’t judge. 
It was really different compared to the time I registered for UNMC. My parents didn’t register me, but Amirul did. He helped me move in, he registered for me and also got my student card for me (all I did was smile for the picture). This time round, Amirul would be registering for himself at UEL and I’d be registering myself for UoN 2 hours apart by train. 
Time to rely on yourself Alina. You’re turning 21 – STFU and grow up. 

DAY 3 – cooking/ baking (COMMUNITY SERVICE)

The kids at PDK are more familiar with us on day 3. The moment I came in they would say “hi kakak!” It’s pretty funny, that they call me kakak when most are older than me. They are 22 to 44 even, yet they call me kakak. It’s really respectful even when they know I’m younger.


We baked cookies and prepared all the food we were bout to feed them. There were a lot of kids, around 35 and we made extra for the teachers too. I had Azmir, one of the autistic student with me to help me, he listened to me very well and knew how to follow the given instructions. Though he repeated everything I said, every single time. He echoed EVERYTHING, even Okay. I asked him to have a bite of everything we were making and he tasted everything as we made them, and said all the food tasted delicious which was good to know. It was really sweet how excited he got when I gave him his plate of food.

After feeding everyone, I was pulled by Nazirah. She has Down syndrome and was very caring towards another child whose mother was late. She kept asking me to comfort the child, and to call his mother to pick him up. It really shows that, though they are limited in other areas, they definitely do not lack affection nor empathy. I also found out that she was a child of one of the teachers. So I had a talk with Nazirah’s Mom and she told me that Nazirah was all they have, though they tried to conceive another. You can really see how precious she is to her mother. Her mother did not treat her any differently, there was no sympathy in her eyes when she looks at Nazirah. But only love and truly she saw Nazirah for who she is – cheeky, sweet and playful.

My 3 days at PDK was definitely a humbling experience and also an eyeopener. Not only did the kids and teachers at PDK made me grateful for what I have been blessed with, they made me grateful for life itself. They are so content with life, and it’s not ignorance – I can tell you that. They really showed me that it’s up to you how you deal with your shortcomings. If you want to see the greatness of life, that’s what you’ll see despite the bitterest lemons you’re given.

This sums my 3 days spent at PDK Diary. If you’d like to know more about PDK Semenyih – their Facebook page is Pdk Semenyih.

Also, Im asking everyone to help PDK Semenyih, by spreading the word.

They are a non profit organisation, which means that they rely on people like us. You can buy the childrens’ art works, and also baked goods made with love.

Here is their bank account:
Agro Bank
No Acc: 100556100005060-1 (Anak Anak Istimewa PDK Semenyih)

Any contribution would be much appreciated.

If 2016 was a movie 


(The quote I’m living my 2017 by)

This is probably the time for me to reminisce memories made during 2016, and make new years goal for 2017 right?

IF 2016 WAS A MOVIE…
It’ll flash to the moment where..

  1. I finished A Levels and got my results
  2. Got Accepted into amazing uni’s but rejected (this should be the downfall/big mistake part of the movie -self conflict)

MONTAGE – Gap Year Activity

  1. Going to Australia alone
  2. Working at CLEO
  3. Lying in bed watching nothing but Sex and The City for MONTHS AND MONTHS routing and crying over Carrie and Big’s love
  4. Using my allowance for nothing else but eat good food and shopping.
  5. Revamping my style/closet
  6. Redecorated my room – painted/bought new furnitures
  7. Brought Ninnah around Malaysia
  8. Started on the 70s Show, New Girl, Elementary, This is Us, Empire.

RESOLUTION

  1. Went into University of Nottingham
  2. Moved out of home
  3. DIE trying to figure out how to cope with uni
  4. DIE trying to figure out how to live alone
  5. Plagiarism phobia

*Zooms out video of Amirul making me laugh in the car with loud music and wind in my hair* 

END 2016 MOVIE 


BEGIN 2017. 

2017 goals ? Nothing. I’m not setting any new year’s resolution this year. I did fulfill last year’s new year resolution though. I did give more last year and was definitely more generous – i think I’ll keep it as an everyday thing now. Not just for 2016. 

Bid farewell to 2016.


 

 

 

 

20th Birthday 

I never blogged about my birthday, and I didn’t even realised it ! I’m way late on this post …

My birthday falls on 15th November 1996, thus turning me 20 this year. BIG 2-0. I’ve lived 2 decades on this earth, alhamdulillah. I was dreading this birthday most honestly, the whole “not being a teen thing”. I’ve always feared growing up anyways. But my birthday only gets better and better. I’m so blessed to have spent it with the same people, and also new ones ?

I celebrated early with Amirul on the 14th, had a lovely dinner at Beast. As I sat down, I was dying looking at the menu price HAHAH TOTALLY RUINED THE ELEGANT LOOK I WAS GOING FOR. Pulling faces as I pointed at the prices! 😳😫 It was even a candle lit dinner … like whoa grown ass date. I guess those are the dates I go on now ~ adulthood calling like.

The next morning was my birthday, and I spent it away from home. I was at Uni ! I got a knock on the door at 8 am in the morning. I was so confused, thinking that it’s my neighbour planning to complain about my sneezes the night before or something. But as I opened the door with my eyes closed, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” they cheered. It was my friends – uni friends !! It was Sophie, Mali, and Nicolle 💕 Such sweethearts woke up early with cake and balloon and presents. Can’t believed they spared money to buy me those things ??? Guys I wouldn’t be able to even buy yall cake. But thank you. It was really sweet.

I went to rugby training to just sit and watch – it was Alina Day okay. I was excused. Ahahah. As I sat there doing my work, the rugby girls came over for their water break and all of them wished me happy birthday. Such sweeetiesssss ❤️

My mom called me and sang the birthday song. I felt like crying 😭 being away from my home. Usually my mom would knock on my door and wake me up singing happy birthday. My sister would break down my door at midnight screaming happy birthday and all. But my family just wished me through the fambam group chat now 😦 It was such a different birthday. Nonetheless, it was amazing. Thank you to everyone who celebrated and wished me.

Adulting begins here ?


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Being a “Notty” Girl?

I gave the whole uni life 3 weeks, before I decided to judge and update you guys about it. LOL YEAH RIGHT, I’ve just been busy and haven’t had the time to update my blog. Anyways, let me sum up my 3 weeks here in some pictures

WEEK 1


WEEK 2


WEEK 3


It’s hard to adjust to. I’m so used to my tiny daily routines at home, like where I put my keys in my room or where I put my water bottle – the distance needs to be arm length for me to reach in the middle of the night without having to move from my sleeping position. LITERALLY MICRO DAILY ROUTINES. Now it’s all different, and I have to start fresh and it feels foreign. Living alone. Like my phone was dying when I was out at night and I didn’t have to worry about my mom wanting to call me…?? Like whutt. Coming back to an empty house..well room. It’s lonely?

On a brighter note, my timetable is pretty great I gotta admit. I only have classes Tuesday till Thursday, which are mostly half days. Technically, I should be spending more time in KL with my 4 day weekend, but I’ve been spending Mondays and Fridays here to chill and prepare myself for this life. I try to make my days as full as possible, so I won’t have time for that I miss home or miss my cats moments. I joined a lot of clubs. I joined rugby club (Nottingham Royals) the girls’ touch team, I also joined Zumba (Fitness club) – what scoliosis prob right? , Ignite (Nottingham Magazine) and Aiesec.

It’s getting better though. Uni life is when you meet all kinds of people – Some are looking for what to label themselves, some eyes focused on the finish line of “first class degree”, some just craving to make memories. BUT me? Someone that wants to go back home everyday after class.  The only thing I learnt about myself is that – I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE CITY. I guess I never thought that I’d ever be away from the city, and now I am. Man, oh man I MISS THE CITY. I’ve never lived away from the big buildings and busy street. Even when I lived in UK, I lived in smack bam centre – Baker Street. LIKE GURL, you hear sirens in the middle of the night and wonder what drunktard hurt himself. In Malaysia they’re building a mall right infront of my house !!! I miss the city, I miss the jam, I miss the over priced food – the mall. THE MALL. Amirul brought me to Tesco for grocery shopping, and I spent so long walking around the “mall” because I just miss window shopping.

For some reason, I have more time here than I do at home. I can’t explain that. But at home, seems like after I come home from school the day’s just short and I don’t have time to do much. Here I’m just trying to fill in time –  playing fussball, pool, rugby, zumba, dinner, darts, library. When it reaches 10-11pm, Boom BED.

So far, being a “notty” girl ain’t bad. Cheap food, healthy lifestyle, and that independent woman life. I can do this, right?